When we talk about just about anything today, the root seems to be either money scams or the bitterness of partisan politics. It makes for a lot of ugliness. It’s hard to write a weekly blog and not get mired in the depressive stuff of the day. For this week, with Spring in its full glory, I didn’t want to write about negative and depressing things.
Searching through some papers I saved, I found something that made me laugh and I hope you’ll laugh too. These quips are from Colbert I. King’s piece titled, “At Darrell’s Barbershop” (The Washington Post, February 16, 2002):
Can you top this?
“We were so poor, burglars used to break in our house and LEAVE money.”
“We were so poor that our front door and back door were on the same HINGE!”
“We were so poor that when I was growing up, my pants had so many holes in them that when I ran they hummed.”
“That’s not poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was black and white.”
“Wait a minute. I was so poor, when I was born, Mom and Dad bought me a stroller. I made the last three payments MYSELF!”
“I was so poor, my family received CARE packages from the Third World.”
“I was so poor growing up, my favorite food was ice.”
“I was so poor that once my arithmetic teacher in elementary school asked me, ‘If you had $2 in one pocket and $3 in another, what would you have?’ I told her someone else’s pants.”
These people were so poor that:
- on Christmas Day they got a battery with a note saying, “Toy not included.”
- they went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on lay-away.
- they used to wave around a popsicle stick and call it air-conditioning.
- they had to join the Army to get a haircut.
- when somebody came to their house and lit a cigarette, their father would shout, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we have heat.”
I need silly and corny sometimes. Do you?
Gwen Dungy 