Call me old-fashioned for an expectation of decorum and socially acceptable behavior in certain circumstances and in particular places. Because it’s so rare and certainly not a requirement, I am moved in a good way when someone demonstrates politeness in even the smallest of ways.
A weird example of my appreciation for politeness is after an interaction with automated customer service. It is most frustrating when there are no humans with whom one can speak when one needs information that is “none of the above” among the choices offered. I’m ecstatic when what I think is a human being speaks to me, gives me their name, listens, and attempts to help.
It makes my day when I’m walking closely behind someone and that person holds the door for me rather than letting it shut in my face.
Basic words like “please” and “thank you” given with a semblance of sincerity harkens back to a time when parents used to tell their children to “behave like you have home training.” Or they might say, “Don’t embarrass us when you go out in public,” or, “Don’t be uncouth.”
I’m not saying that “back in the day” most people were courteous and today no one is polite. It just seems to me that the expectation of decorum and socially acceptable behavior is seen as an infringement on another’s rights to be as disrespectful and undignified as they want to be.
I also support the idea of being able to be free to act and behave as one desires whether it’s uncouth or not. I think the line needs to be drawn, however, when your freedom to be who you want to be infringes on the freedom and sensibilities of another person.
I hope some of you who know me realize that my complaining about manners is just a way to distract myself from onset disenchantment as I fear a future of conflict rather than community.
Gwen Dungy 