Category Archives: reflection

Leaving Your Mark

Posted on August 22, 2024 by | Leave a comment

Recently, a friend and I went to see the play Hamilton. Like so many others, we never tire of the experience. For us, the musical does not lose its luster no matter how many times we see it. Whether it’s on Broadway or in the desert, we love it. There are so many songs and so much dialogue that just become a part of us. After this recent show, the song that stuck in my mind was Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story.

Innumerable biographies tell stories of extraordinary people who leave great and lasting legacies as a result of their talents, activism, and contributions to the uplift of humankind and to the sustainability of life as we know it. These legendary people leave their mark through acts that become a part of the history of the world. Their impact is usually broad and powerful.

One does not have to die famous to leave a mark. Not all people who leave their mark are widely known and celebrated. Ordinary people also leave their mark. A brief obituary does not mean that the deceased did not leave their mark.

Leaving your mark is not always about the number and magnitude of notable public contributions. It’s not about the number of people who knew about you. Your circle may be small including a few friends and relatives who will remember you and the influence you had on them. Leaving your mark is the impact you had on others, no matter the number or magnitude.

During an interview for Esquire, renowned author Stephen King, said that he would like to be known “as somebody who died merry—who did his work the best he could and was decent to other people.”

With this statement, the author left his mark on me because he put into words my heart’s final desires.

Leave a comment

Posted in empathy, fate, Identity, initiative, integrity, Leadership, reflection, respect

Life Lessons from ‘The Amazing Race’

Posted on August 15, 2024 by | Leave a comment

Some of us will only see the amazingness of life in retrospect. When we’re running fast trying to grab the brass ring, we are plagued by stress and exhaustion. We miss the amazing moments. It may be only at the final pitstop that we see how amazing our lives have been. If only we had something other than abstract learning to show us how to navigate the waves of our amazing life.

The long-running reality show, The Amazing Race, is full of concrete life lessons. The teams of two face a series of challenges they must complete according to strict specifications as they race around the world. Their goal is to be the first team to arrive at the final pitstop in order to be rewarded with a million dollars. The reward is for the team that wins the last challenge, regardless of how many legs of the race they won. As in life, when presented with a challenge, it’s not what you have done but what you do now.

The struggles and victories of the teams don’t always depend on mental or physical ability. Some say being in the race is like playing the lottery. Sometimes teams are rewarded by serendipitous events that push them ahead. At other times, misfortunes that are no fault of the teams can push them to the back of the pack. This is life.

Following are just a few examples of what to expect in real life that the show so vividly portrays:

  • Begin with a goal (teams want to earn the prize of one million dollars)
  • Believe that you have what it takes to reach the goal (confidence)
  • Study those who came before and learn from their successes and failures
  • Prepare well according to what you’ve learned
  • Be attentive to details along the way   
  • Expect detours, speedbumps, and roadblocks as you advance toward your goal
  • Anticipate that you may be given a U-turn to slow your progress
  • Know what works for you when you need to de-stress  
  • Keep the focus on your own team
  • Never give up on a leg of the race; switch to another challenge
  • Understand that along the way you will have to face your fears
  • Know that when the race is done, you gave it your all

Invariably at the final pitstop, teams talk about the thrill of it all and how rewarding the experience was whether they won or not.

It’s those teams that squeeze the enjoyment out of every experience as they are happening who best understand the amazingness of life.

Leave a comment

Posted in energy, initiative, reflection

Lottie’s Kids

Posted on August 8, 2024 by | 2 comments

Families are complicated.

In a recent rare visit with my siblings, my sister aptly named us “Lottie’s Kids.” When we get together, memories of our Mother dominate our conversation.  

As we talk, there are familiar rhythms and vibrations that create the pattern of our being together. From raucous laughter to wide smiles, from quiet nods to abrupt interruptions to tell what “really” happened. 

Some of our funniest anecdotes are those that describe incidents that were not so laughable at the time they happened. It’s only through the many iterations of the tales that they become comical. What once loomed large are now small and distant memories. Yet, they are powerful enough to create a static hum that connects who we are now to who we were as “Lottie’s Kids.”

Rather than an archeological dispassionate exploration of the truth, we hold on to our own recollections of what really happened. Sometimes what we think are memories are not, in fact, our own recollections. Rather they are what we heard others say happened based on their memories. During our reunions, truth is not what’s important. What is important is the telling of the tales from the recollections of “Lottie’s Kids.”

Notwithstanding the possible therapeutic benefits of reuniting and sharing with family, for a brief moment when we’re together recalling our growing up, I feel as if we’re doing something disrespectful to our Mother’s memory because we describe her behavior without knowing the context or motivations from her point of view. I wonder if my siblings have similar feelings.

By the end of our time together, I know that our Mother would join us in this comic-fest. No one would sit near her, however, because she had this habit of hitting the person near her when she was in the throes of laughter. She took laughing seriously!  

Despite our regrets and wishes that our lives would have been more of what we think is “normal,” we know that our Mother was a singular woman with many more gifts than foibles. Her eccentricities might have been her way of shielding her heart that had been broken too often by too many people.

I’m grateful to be one of “Lottie’s Kids.”

2 Comments

Posted in Identity, reflection, respect

Artist Appreciation

Posted on August 1, 2024 by | Leave a comment
the word create written with multicolored crayons

I have a great appreciation for people who create art. The closest I ever came to creating “art” was as a child carefully coloring within the lines while playing with my coloring books. I loved coloring and eventually began to use my darker colored crayons to outline the images  and a lighter shade of the same colored-crayon for the body of the image. My favorite gifts were larger and larger boxes of crayons. My first box had about eight colored crayons and I think the last box I remember having had sixty-four crayons!

Not having the experience of craft-making—except for a few potholders in a summer Bible study and crocheting Afghan throws when I was pregnant—I don’t recall ever having made something that could be called art or craft. My lack of exposure to ways to be creative and perhaps my real lack of talent may be the reason why I hold those who can create art in such high esteem.

I value artists and what they contribute to a world of beauty often, and to imagination all the time. Using what they have learned and their natural talent, it seems to me that they have an advanced level of human intelligence and more courage than those of us who have been too fearful of failure to dig deep enough within ourselves to find the spirit and essence of what we might be capable of doing. In my case, it’s easier to deny any desire to create art than to devote myself to pursuing something that I might fail to achieve.

I think that artists meld their emotions and imagination into the kind of self-expression that is more than aesthetic fulfillment. It is a dedication to a search for truth born out of a passion to create. Artists’ creations speak to that part of humans that craves a shared experience. Through their work, artists help us to bridge the gap between what is and what could be. Their art helps us to focus on the intangibles as well as aid us in seeing the bigger picture.

Self-expression through creative endeavors is a gift to be treasured. I appreciate the artists who make our world more livable and our lives more fulfilling.

August is American Artist Appreciation Month. Let’s thank and celebrate our artists! 

Leave a comment

Posted in Identity, initiative, innovation, reflection, respect

A Brief Period of Happiness

Posted on June 27, 2024 by | Leave a comment

If I were to write a book about my parents, it would be about star-crossed lovers doomed to heartbreak and hardship. From what I’ve heard about their lives, they were misfits and all wrong for each other—yet there was something special between them. Over time, my parents—James and Lottie—seemed like stars crashing into one another, each time diminishing the other just a little more.   

It seems that they had a brief period of happiness living together. Mrs. Oma Lee Taylor owned the rooming house where my father rented a room to which he brought my mother not long after I was born. According to Mrs. Taylor, Lottie and James were as different as night and day, and probably should never have been together.

From what Mrs. Taylor could see, Lottie was a good Christian girl who got caught in James’ snare. Though James was a notorious womanizer, Mrs. Taylor said that after I was born, she saw a transformation in James. He took his responsibility as a father seriously and seemed to be living for something more than being with other women and his gang.

By my mother’s own account, she came to understand why James’ gang was so important to him, noting in her autobiography how James had told her “about how his father threw him outdoors and mistreated him and did not allow him to eat. His first stealing was stealing food.”

Lottie was a young mother estranged from her parents because she was having a baby outside of marriage. Though she didn’t allow James to visit her during her pregnancy, his guys kept tabs on her and he would show up wherever she went. When it was time to have the baby, the relatives Lottie was staying with called him.

He went to the hospital with her and followed as far as he could go. When she woke up after giving birth, he was at her side. He showed a tenderness that she had not experienced from anyone before, and he seemed genuinely enchanted by their baby girl. Beginning with the way James had protected her from afar during her pregnancy and his obvious love for their child, Lottie found herself falling deeply in love with the man she once hated.  

Leave a comment

Posted in empathy, fate, Identity, reflection, women

Being Content

Posted on June 20, 2024 by | Leave a comment

Growing up—regardless of where or with whom I was living—I was always looking forward to the time when I would not be there. Lamenting the reality of being in a situation and relishing the thought of freedom from it was a constant state of mind.

I realize now that I didn’t change much as an adult. Reading through some of my old papers, I came across a paragraph I wrote in response to this stimulus statement: What a bore it is waking up in the morning the same person.

I wrote:

“What a bore it is waking up in the morning the same person. I wish I were already what I keep thinking and hoping I’m going to be. The same feelings of “when I grow up” face me each morning, day, week, month, and year. I’m bored with the anticipation. What is it going to be? What am I going to be? When? I have no fantasies of what I want to be. I don’t want to work at it. I want a miracle. The boredom is not complete, however, since I fear that I’ve been waiting for something that does not exist. My boredom is laced with the fear that perhaps I already am.“

Today, when I respond to queries about how I’m really doing, I can say with all candor and conviction that I’m content. Being content means more to me than just being all right or okay. For someone who has always yearned for something more or something else, being content is a sense of extreme wellbeing, happiness, and joy.

This long-awaited sense of contentment does not, however, diminish my New Year’s Day attitude that, “The best is yet to come!”

Leave a comment

Posted in fate, Identity, reflection