For me, thinking about what it means to be authentic started when I read that one of RuPaul’s foundational beliefs is that “everybody is playing a role.”
In talking about dressing in drag, Jinkx Monsoon similarly says, “It’s armor because you’re putting on a persona.”
Why do people play roles and feel it necessary to put on a persona? Is it because these are ways of protecting one’s self? If this is the reason, then to be authentic is a very brave act.
But what does being authentic mean to a layperson? Some say that to be authentic is to act and behave the same way no matter the circumstances. Some say that one’s values should always be the compass for being one’s authentic self. A person may be seen as being authentic if they are known to speak their minds and stand by their convictions.
Notwithstanding these perfectly reasonable definitions, I think being authentic is a fluid concept to be wrestled with throughout a lifetime. I have come to the conclusion on this day at this time that we’re never not being our authentic, true, genuine, essential selves because how one presents is an innate survival instinct.
Although there are times when our authentic self may be the version of ourselves that we deliberately bring forth and exhibit, I don’t think most people wake up and decide which role they want to play that day.
However, I also believe that we are the stars in our own productions, whether fantasy, horror, drama, comedy, or all at the same time.
When someone says, “I was not being myself,” especially after doing something that they regret, we might have an inward smile and think, “Yes, you were being your authentic, true, essential self, and I understand.”
Gwen Dungy 
Hey Gwen. I love this post. Being my most authentic self has always gotten me
Not always. Being your authentic self drew me to you. You have been very brave to be you.
Gwen,
Thank you for this wonderful insight and reminder.
When I was nine years of age, some of my classmates made fun of a girl in our class named Patricia because she wore dirty clothes to school. I did not join in the laughter at Patricia’s expense, but I did nothing to stop my fellow students from teasing her.
My inaction troubled me, so I described what happened to my dad a few days later and asked if I was becoming a bad person. I wanted reassurance—and probably absolution. Instead, I got an introduction to the concept of core values, personal responsibility, and the challenges associated with being a work in progress.
My dad must have seen my eyes glaze over as we talked, so he gave me an assignment and promised that we would talk again. Before I went to sleep each night, my dad suggested that I spend ten minutes thinking about my day, separating the actions I was proud of from those I never would want my grandparents to know about, and then deciding what my actions said about me and the person I was becoming.
That exercise led to numerous conversations with my dad throughout my elementary school, high school and college years. It also motivated me to create a list of what I now know were my core values and to realize that I was responsible for creating my life and becoming the best possible version of myself.
After my dad died, I discovered several of the lists I made among his old papers. As I sorted through them, I realized that my core values—the person I wanted to be—as a tween, a teen, or a young adult were not significantly different from the core values I hold today, although my spelling, vocabulary, and ability to express myself definitely improved over the years!
The main difference between me as an adult and me as a child is that “senior-citizen” me has had decades to reflect on—and fine tune—her behavior, thus increasing the probability that her words and her actions mirror her value system. “Senior-citizen” me also realizes that she must make conscious decisions every day to be the best possible version of herself.
Full disclosure: I do not always succeed in presenting the best version of myself to the world, but I keep on trying. By my calculations, I just need another two or three decades to become the very best version of my authentic self.
scary!
Maggie, I’m just seeing your comment! Thanks for sharing who you are and how you became the person you are today. Your Dad sounds like a very wise person.
What scares you, Dee? I’m smiling as I write this.